Our Parelli Natural Horsemanship journey teaches us many things about the art of communication with horses. When we get it right it flows; when it goes south we can usually trace the problem back to how we were clumsy in our delivery.
It seems that these lessons with horses, which we are quick to review and analyze so as to not jeopardize our horse/human relationship, begin to be reflected with our new found awareness, in our day-to-day, person-to-person interactions.
Yet just like we have learned that a horse can easily misunderstand our intentions, reading our haste or impatience as a real threat to his survival, similar misunderstandings often takes place between us poor humans as we play with our toys of instant messaging.
Certainly email has made communication simple but not necessarily easier. The sheer volume of emails we receive now and the expectation to reply in a timely fashion makes some of us long for the time when it was not so readily available and required more than just pressing the SEND key.
A more concerning side effect of this email world is the damage and angst that can be experienced when a message has been too hastily punched out with very little ‘friendly game,’ often leaving the recipient confused, offended or not valued as a result of their ‘to the point’ style.
Upon investigation it is rarely the intention of the author. More often than not, the unintended consequence of not ‘taking the time it takes so it takes less time’ and forgetting that such a clinical vehicle as email delivers the message but finds it harder to convey true communication.
Body Language as we have learned with horse training is universal and the prime communicator much more so than the words we speak.
Therefore it is hardly surprising emails can, at times, get us into so much trouble.
To counter this email faux pas dilemma we at Parelli Central have made a commitment to one another to always find some time for the Friendly Game before we start to Porcupine and Drive to attain our outcomes. Yes, it takes more time and perhaps could be deemed to be unnecessary if we are all “on the same page” but, in life, the same page can shift without notification.
Have you experienced a similar challenge whereby you have been upset or managed to upset someone, colleague or family member, via email?
Perhaps the greater lesson that again we can thank our four-legged friend for is the realization that partnership and harmony can become not just our horsemanship goal but rather one of our life goals…. what a concept!
Keep it Natural,
Neil
Neil Pye - Chief Media Officer - Parelli Natural Horse Training
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh boy yes….I have been pulled up at work on many an occasion. Now I don’t say anything I don’t need to in any form of communictaion, and a only deal in facts via any form of electronic communication, and avoid any emotional or inflamtory language. My boss reckons I swallowed a diplomacy pill….the cheek!!! lol
Well said, Neil. So many problems have their roots in miscommunications. That’s why I love this principle for ALL communication; human or equine. Communication is “sharing AND understanding an idea”. It’s so important that both parts of this equation are in place! If we take the time it takes to be sure the idea is both shared and understood, it will take less time to jointly attain outcomes! It’s a win-win and the relationship is preserved. What savvy…now how can we get all of corporate america on board?
Hi Neil:
Exemplary commentary and observations. Very well stated indeed!
Best Always,
-sac
Hi Neil,
Thanks for this wonderful feedback. I have tried to get many of my ‘friends’ to use a telephone for the purpose it was intended… a phone call! I even had to get myself a new mobile phone not long ago and were they ever surprised at the shop when I told them I needed a phone that not only fit in my riding pouch but actually made phone calls!!! Yep, just phone calls.
Thanks for everything and thanks for helping me, keep it natural.
Thanks Neil,
What insight you show. I have learned friendships can be ruined because of an email. I’ve learned so much beacause of being a Parelli student for 10 years. I will continue to show both my horses and people friends that I can be trusted and never would I try to hurt any of them.
Sincerely Connie
Wow! This topic spoke volumes to me. I read your blog about 5 minutes AFTER sending a long email to about 10 boarders at a barn where I am the manager. Apparently I am on the other side of this topic. Every thing I do is straight to the point. No time to waste. It seems that the longer I study Parelli the more I am finding out about myself and how I need to change my inner thought patterns to better help horses and people. I am always rushing and even though I reread this email I sent several times it never dawned on me that I hadn’t used the friendly game. I didn’t even know I needed a friendly game with people! Boy, was I wrong. Once I read the blog I instantly knew where I had gone wrong. So, I quickly sent everyone another email with my apoligies and this entire blog. What a mess! I will never write another email without this in mind. It was a great blessing to read and one that I am very thankful for.
Reading you post Neil has thrown me back into the realms of my ‘life changing’ stay at a Buddhist Festival in Cumbria! I am back again in a seminar with ‘buddhist master,’ listening and taking notes on life. Your compassion, speaks volumes!
Hi Neil
Just yesterday I gave a phase 4 to an employee for not re-reading her e-mails before sending them. If comunication is an art, written communication is a refined art. It is a reality that we frequently think something and want to write it down, but the results is that we communicate an idea different than the one we have in our head. I insist to my people, “read what you’ve written without thinking of your idea. Then ask yourself, “is that really communicating what I wanted to say”. Too frequently the answer is “no”.
Actually, I personally feel that we all send too many e-mails (and text messages) in general, not to mention the huge and mostly usless amount of e-mails that are simply “resent” as if we all had nothing else to do than to read stories about a million different things.
Unfortunately e-mails have come to substitute other, more effective means of communication, like a simple phone call, where you can get instant feedback, and also instantly correct misunderstandings.
My experience is that when somebody gets a call in answer to an e-mail, they are frequently pleasantly surprised. Try it!
Warm regards from the sunny island of Mallorca, Spain
Lance
I love the comments about e-mails. I, myself, have felt victimized by e-mails. I always try and include a smiley face in my e-mails
Thank you very much for sharing these very valuable thoughts, Neil. I read your blog just after having sent some business mails and hesitated for a moment – did I really keep respect and friendlyness up, even though in one of these mails I felt it was necessary to apply a phase 4? I think in fact I did, and this only thanks to my grown awareness (and emotional fitness) since I started re-considering my communication skills over and over again during these 6 years I’m in the Parelli Program.
I have learned that the outcome for everybody is by far higher if any time (I’m not a naturally patient and low-tempered person) I feel my emotions coming up -doesn’t matter if I’m with horses or humans- I ask my myself “what do I want to achieve” – it helps me to find the right tone to keep up a positive and progressive atmosphere, without having to start begging or giving up my position.
Words are very powerful, especially when they come as a written message, and it takes time to choose them and to write them down – so I consider the written word one that has been thought about. A written message to me never is a just an reflex – it takes preparation and consideration, and if only in a very brief way. I think this is why we tend to take emails, text-messages ect. more personally than other forms of communication.
The means of instant messaging in that sense can be a real weapon in some human predators’ hands! Attack first, ask later….if at all.
So I like the idea of the offical commitment between team members and will…
Hey Neil – there are all these types of communication: email, tweets, blogs, phone calls, video chatting, instant messaging, faxes. All of them have their own strengths and weaknesses… and “tones” if you will.
Regarding email and other electronic one-way forms of communication. In my life, I’ve seen friendships destroyed over an email. When I used to teach computer classes… I’d always recommended that people take a walk before sending an email out when their dander was up. For whatever reason… email is a type of communication that people often will go off… as my grandpa would say “half cocked.”
Thanks for the post Neil. Everyone here at Parelli Central is with you on dedicating ourselves to using all these forms of communication thoughtfully and carefully. I’m sure we’ll make mistakes… but we’ll be doing our best to add value to our community and the world at large… and not go off half cocked.
Cheers from Pagosa.
Brett
Neil, this is a great post! Many times have I felt the bitter taste of a hastily typed email that was delivered to my mailbox, just to find out later that the sender didn’t have any of the intentions I read into it! I try to proofread my emails to make sure my intentions are supported by the words used. Thank you for reminding me to make this a habit…
Have a great day and I hope you enjoy your time in the UK!
Petra Christensen
1Star Parelli Junior Instructor
Hey Neil,
Great insight! I am constantly amazed at how Parelli is connected to my world view. All my metaphysical and spiritual studies are reinforced by my Parelli studies.
Keeping it natural in Maine,
Robin
Sometimes ideas really have a virus-like quality. See today’s article, “Is Google Making Us Stupid,” in The Atlantic. I often think that PNH keeps me from being too wired. As Mr. Carr writes in his article there, “In the quiet spaces opened up by the sustained, undistracted reading of a book, or by any other act of contemplation, for that matter, we make our own associations, draw our own inferences and analogies, foster our own ideas. Deep reading… is indistinguishable from deep thinking.” And nothing makes me think deeper, and more laterally, than Parelli. Neil’s point is parallel: The practice of Parelli Natural Horsemanship contributes not only to the wellbeing of the horse, but to the internal health of the human being, and by extension, perhaps, the human race.
Neil,
This is excellent! I must share this. I am continually surprised/intrigued that the more I learn about horses, the more I learn about myself and others. Parelli has created an extraordinary awareness of Keeping the Relationship First with my co-workers, my customers and all of the people around me. I see it working and I feel I show up differently.
Thank you for sharing your observations and drawing these parallels.
Make it a Great Day!
Dana C Abernathy