2 Star Junior Parelli Professional Lillan Roquet offered to have this blog, detailing her experience riding with Linda Parelli in Florida, posted here on Parelli Central. We hope you enjoy it!
The last few days have been all about filming! Upcoming Savvy Club DVDs and a few other exciting things are in the pipeline. I was lucky enough to be a part of it on many different levels, and as always, it’s a journey of self-development, isn’t it?! So, those of you Right-Brain Extroverts who want to commiserate with my ramblings, please continue reading. Everyone else… continue at your own risk!
My grey mare Damo and I were invited to be a part of some of the Savvy Club filming, which was really really exciting! I knew that I would learn a ton! Plus, whatever mistakes I made would only lead to bettering the world for horses anyway, as it gives more opportunities for learning. Not to mention being in the super capable hands of Parelli’s amazing film crew, director Neil Pye and Sue Shoemark, and being taught by none other than Linda Parelli herself! Most of the world would think this would be enough people telling me “you’re okay!”
The Parelli Media Crew, filming our Savvy Club Lesson.
The first day went fabulously, and I was playing in the Savvys I was less confident in. Damo was a rock star, acting like such a partner and hanging around all day. The second day we did a Liberty section. This is where my emotional fitness started to let me down. The first thing I noticed was that when Linda started asking me to do specific things or tasks, my focus caused me to lose my draw. What a surprise! One of the human’s mutual responsibilities in the partnership is “understand the natural power of focus.” So as my focus was divided, Damo began to not act like such a partner. Now, with hindsight I can analyze this with a clear head and realize that my liberty used to consist of me seeing lots of hind legs and tail straight in the air and a horse galloping away – AFTER she had busted through the round pen! So when I say that I lost our mental connection, I mean to say I had to use a lot of disengagements to keep her with me, because I lacked draw, because my focus was off, and I wasn’t being a good leader!
This was all well and good, and we kept it together and finished the filming. But I was pretty bummed and trying to kick myself in the pants and get back into an emotionally fit state! Not to much avail. Here was my Parelli Connect update after that session:
Lillan Roquet with Andiamo, (Liberty, 45 mins) Today we played with the weave at Liberty. Damo was AWESOME … My focus was really off 
. She did really well as long as I gave her my total attention … but when Linda started tasking us, I lost mental connection with Damo and then I had to use a bunch of disengagements to force the draw back to me! YUCK!
I spent most of the rest of the morning stewing, feeling like I didn’t do right by my horse because I wasn’t upholding my responsibilities. I felt like I kinda got myself together after lunch so I thought that I would go out and have a ride with Linda and all of the senior instructors here studying with her. And here’s what happened next:
Lillan Roquet with Andiamo, (Freestyle, 45 mins) Played with getting a forward canter today. She did better than she Has EVER done … so of course I pushed it . Too far. Lost her mind and she started spooking, and getting way impulsive … at one point I weighted my inside stirrup and my saddle slid almost completely off … I did an emergency dismount … but also had to pull on her face too much to stop and broke a bunch of her confidence in GOC.
Linda says I need to play with maintaining gait first (which should have been obvious to me: “maintain gait … then direction”). She suggested using the round pen, where she can go fast and I don’t have to steer. Then take her up for a lap or two, then bring her back to a trot, etc, until she gets more confidence and stays connected with the speed I want.
Damo, my wonderful horse.
As you can see, it was not my most successful ride! Again… into that terrible spiral of being disappointed with myself for not having more savvy and being a better partner, and then being disappointed for being disappointed!
So then came the realizations. I got home and just blurted it all out onto Parelli Connect. I almost deleted it, then thought, “No one will read it anyway,” so I left it up there. Then my brain came back to me. Writing all those emotions down, processing the disappointment at not being the partner I want to be to a horse that has given me SO much, caused me to start looking for theory. So of course in Parelli I could find so much to bring me back. That is where my realizations about focus, responsibilities (maintain gait, THEN direction) clarity of leadership, etc came from. And of course the realization: discomfort is learning!
So… I learned that knowledge can help us to find our way back into our comfort zone. “Frustration begins where knowledge ends.” And luckily we have this AMAZING program to help us out of our comfort zone … and then the theory to help us find our way back in.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so resonant with me! Thanks so much for sharing your struggles and the outcomes. It means so much and is so helpful to know we’re not alone and seeing kindred spirits makes it easier to be gentle with my RBE self:) Your clarity on and reminders about going back to Parelli Theory and looking for knowledge to get rid of frustration will help me (and so many others) in those moments. Amazing blog!
Please know that each and everyone of you touched every raw, scrambled nerve in my RBE brain with your messages…..thank you all!!
Hi Lillan,
I love reading your blogs, cause you pretty much write down what happens to me, and why it happens, but I can’t even express it verbally yet, I just kind of feel my way through the thick fog till it gets thinner, then it clears and everything flows. Then I later go “How did that happen?” And this is so opposite of how I used to be it’s scary. hehe. Lifes a mystery, unraveled, and then becomes one again.
Thanks for your writings, also you writing about working the threshold you did with Linda just recently on Face book helped me have a really successful first outing/camp at a campdraft with Ricki. I had a much better plan because of it, and we were so much more progressive without blowing his bubble, so thanks again!
What a great reflection piece. My two favorite lines are: “writing all those emotions down . . . ,” and “Frustration begins where knowledge ends,” and we have an amazing program to lead us forward. Thank you for sharing. Peace & grace, Pam
Dear Lillian, as an RBE I can totally relate to your experiences. I have had them several times. It is hard to kick yourself in the pants, but it can be done
Wow Lillian, I am a RBE & can totally relate with where you went & came back from. There are days when all goes well then there are the others when it all goes to custard. Thing is that if I try the same thing a few days later my girl seems to know what it is I am after & gives brilliantly. And I love it because I don’t like being frustrated because of my lack of knowledge. Thank you for sharing with another RBE – running at 90mph on inside, trying to slow down before the crash……
Lillian,
Thanks so much for sharing, I slip into this kind of thinking also..RBX, “always wants the best ,sometimes never let’s it rest” Reading you blog helps untangle..the” Frustration, begins where knowledge ends” thinking. I can not imagine the pressure of trying to focus during the filming & lesson. The “How Interesting” theory, thanks to Linda, makes us rethink how we can be better for our partner.? Solving the ever changing puzzle is my ultimate goal! Thanks to Professionals like you…Well it helps make it easier. Thanks Again.
Thank you for sharing this. I forget so often to look to knowledge. This is such a great example of how to apply your leadership to your own journey. A great read for me. Thank you!
Thanks so much for sharing Lillian. I think you did great and it is hard to be focused while being filmed and all those folks watching! I see that I need to be more focused while playing especially at liberty and it is so easy to get distracted.
Lillan, thanks so much for sharing emotions that I’m sure will resonate with many more than just myself. As a RBI, I too get caught up in being frustrated with myself for being frustrated and wind up trapped in what I call “not being able to think in real time.” Stepping away from emotions and trying to process and look to this amazing program for the insight and answers it offers is something I work hard to make a positive pattern in myself. Your own struggle really helped me feel like it was ok to be where I am, knowing even someone at your level continues to grow in the same facet. Thanks so much for sharing!
One of the best blogs I have read here. Brilliant observations and disarmingly honest – GREAT stuff! Thank you do much for sharing.
Hi Lillan – I really enjoyed reading your blog. I can completely relate to your experience. Recently I was totally discouraged and disappointed in my horsemanship. Your comment that discomfort is learning really hit home for me. After having a disastrous session with one of my horses, Summer, recently (after a wonderful lesson the week before with PP Richard Schouten) my confidence in my abilities were ruined. Discomfort? In spades! But, in that discomfort I made a huge breakthrough. The answer was staring me right in the face the whole time and I just had to let it stew around in my brain until it finally rose to the surface! Thank you so much for your insight!
Wow! Thanks so much for posting this. I have had those familiar feelings you described while on the Fast track course which of course is designed to keep you in the learning zone. There were many times I had misgivings about the way my emotional fitness wasn’t always what I would have liked. But you are right the answers are all ther in the program1!
Lillian,you sound so much like me. I see myself in you. I am not being the best leader for my horse either at times. You’ve helped me see I need to put focus first, then responsibilities, maintian gait, then direction. Thankyou for your insight.
Hey Lillan. Really nicely written. Here’s to all the little grey mares out there that not only challenge us on many levels but they keep us grounded and humble. GO THE LITTLE GREY MARES!!!
I so get this….thank you for putting yourself outthere, so the rest of us can learn….
I completely understand what you went thru….and I love the comments ” I learned that knowledge can help us to find our way back into our comfort zone. “Frustration begins where knowledge ends.” And luckily we have this AMAZING program to help us out of our comfort zone … and then the theory to help us find our way back in.”
Keep up the good work.